


Dumb shit you do just to get laid

by Reyna_Bennet



Series: Ereri Adventures and Awkward Situations [3]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Character's Name Spelled as Hanji, Drunk Eren Yeager, Drunken Shenanigans, Drunkenness, Jean is a dick, M/M, Truth or Dare, sober Eren Yeager
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-24
Updated: 2017-08-24
Packaged: 2018-12-19 10:25:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,094
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11895753
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Reyna_Bennet/pseuds/Reyna_Bennet
Summary: So, I’m going to tell you a funny story.1st thing you must know, college students are idiots.2nd thing you should know, college students and alcohol are a very bad mix… funny but a bad one.3rd, my name is Eren Jaeger and I’m a college student.And this is how my last night went.





	Dumb shit you do just to get laid

**Author's Note:**

> Italics - Drunk Eren  
> Bold - Sober Eren  
> Italics and Bold - both

 

So, I’m going to tell you a funny story.

1st thing you must know, college students are idiots.

2nd thing you should know, college students and alcohol are a very bad mix… funny but a bad one.

3rd, my name is Eren Jaeger and I’m a college student. 

And this is how my last night went.

 

Friday night no exams in the vicinity so my friends decided it was the perfect time to go out, get drunk and have fun. At the time I thought it was a fantastic idea.

We got together around 9 in some low level bar, couple of beers, a few shots and everything was good. But we weren’t on the perfect state yet, so what do you do? Ring of Fire.

For those who don’t know Ring of Fire is the worst game ever invented by drunkards, if you’re not drunk when you start playing you will be after ten minutes… just like it happened to me.

After one round of the game everyone was drunk as fuck! And decided to change the game, so what next? Truth or Dare, another game that makes me wish the inventor was drowning in some lake in the North Pole. And, as my luck goes, I was the first, not brave enough I choose truth.

“First time?” Jean asked.

“Never” I said.

The problem with this game and my group of friends is that if a question is asked and your answer is no or something negative, you pass directly to dare, bigger problem, Jean was the one in charge of choosing my dare.

“What?! Jaeger is a virgin! Poor baby boy.”

“Fuck off Horse, just say the damn consequence.”

No one was speaking so clearly as this, but I’m making the favor of translating so that you understand the drunk language only known by the drunks themselves.

“Sure…” I could see the fucker smile, it wasn’t pretty “You have to find someone tonight and convince them to take you home.”

“Why?”

“Because I say so. That’s your dare pretty boy, you have to lose your V card.”

Sadly, I was drunk enough to comply. That’s how my night started and half hour later in another bar I was trying to make my dare a truth.

“Hi pretty Lady, how are you this evening?” I didn’t even knew I could use such expensive words while drunk.

“I’m a guy.”

“You are?”

I looked at them again, long as fuck hair, glasses, fit body, I couldn’t see much more, my vision was blurry, so I go for the next sense and raise my hands to their chest…

“Flat…”

“Yeah, it’s flat, is part of having a dick you have no extensions on your upper chest.”

“I said that aloud?”

“Yes…”

“Sorry…”

“Go get some fresh air, kid, you’re too drunk.”

“Sorry. You do seem pretty, though” Drunk me said, the guy just laughed and grabbed my shoulders turning me in the direction of the door.

“Straight ahead, no turns” he said before pushing me in said direction.

With my head down I kept walking, trying to get away from the guy, he was nice though, some other guy and I might have gotten punched, or worst he might have accepted.

Next target.

This time I made sure it was a true lady, at least she had boobs.

“Hi honey.”

“Fuck you want?” not nice.

“You look like a very fine story, can I read you?” before she could answer I grabbed her waist and pulled her closer “The only problem, is that I only know how to read braille.” Give her a killer smile and… slap!

“Take your fucking hands off me, asshole!” she slapped me again and went on her merry way.

Ok. Let’s sum this up:

  1. Being a gentleman resulted in me hitting on a guy.
  2. Being a guy resulted in me being slapped.



Fuck this shit… getting laid is harder than my drunk self thought.

_ Let’s go and try to seduce someone in the dance floor. _ Never trust your drunk thoughts.

Heading to the middle of the dance floor I started making the biggest idiot thing I’ve ever done, I started trying to breakdance, my drunk self thinks he can dance, I know firsthand (Jean filmed it) he can’t.

But the people around me should be as drunk or more than me, because they cheered me on, some guy even danced with me.

People are crazy creatures.

When my ‘ _ I can dance _ ’ moment ended I was still alone and with no fuck buddy in the vicinity.

But by that point women and men all looked alike to me, so I went on my flirt mode and hit on everyone I saw.

I went to drink more, because drunk me thought he wasn’t drunk enough, and I can’t remember the hours after that moment.

I could go directly to the present, the thing is, I kinda remember some of the things that happened after, not everything… like flashbacks lost here and there.

One thing I remember clearly was kissing someone shorter than me, I have no clue has to how I got to that moment, and…

  1. I’m not home, that much I know.
  2. I have no clue how I got here.
  3. there’s someone besides me.
  4. I’m too afraid to look at said person.
  5. they are starting to move…



Why am I using ‘they’? Well, that’s because I can’t remember the gender of the person besides me…

“Good morning” the person besides me says and I tense up while closing my eyes trying to pretend I’m still sleeping. “Don’t need to pretend, kid” they… he (?) says.

Update on the list:

6 th I spend the night with a guy.

7 th A guy took my virginity.

8 th Jean will never let me live this down!

Somehow the last one was the only thing that really freaked me out.

“Hi…” my voice sounded more like a growl than a human voice, and my head hurt like a fucking bitch “Fuck!”

“Hangover sucks…” he said.

**It does** , I thought,  **especially if the drunkard in you hasn’t totally left yet.**

I risked looking at him, and fuck me,  _ guess he did  _ (still Drunk Me supplied), he was beautiful and, until ten minutes ago, I thought I was straight,  _ as a rubber band, _ **shut up, Drunk Me!**

“Yeah…”

I was extremely uncomfortable, I didn’t know what to do or even how to react…  _ Mini-Greek-God _  took my virginity, what do I do now? I can’t even remember his name  _ Mini-Greek-God!  _ **shut up!**

“What’s your name?” he asks, good to know I wasn’t the only one with that problem.

“Eren… you?”

“Levi”  _ Mini-Greek-God _ **… Levi** _ you’re no fun! _  got up and headed somewhere, bathroom most likely.

_If we follow him maybe he will repeat what he did last night,_ **bad idea** _why? We can’t remember, what’s the point of losing our virginity if we can’t remember?_ **you stupid idiot, you were the one that came home with him! Why the fuck did you came home with a guy?** I’m getting angry at myself…

Drunk Me shuts up after that, and I start fidgeting, what the fuck am I supposed to do now?

Somewhere my phone starts ringing, unless Levi has the same ringtone as me, and I get up trying to find the thing. When I get up I notice I still have my underwear, and my clothes are scattered around the floor, finding my jeans I pull the devil’s thing out and see I have a bunch of messages and 20 missed calls.

_If they are from Mikasa we’re fucked_ **I know Drunk Me, no need to state the obvious**.

Drunk Me is right, for once, _hey, I’m a fucking genius!_ **sure you are** , like I was saying… more than half the calls are from Mika, and so are the messages, **I’m dead** _we! We are dead, bitch! There are so much divine nectars I haven’t tasted yet! I don’t want to die…_ **whatever**! Like I was saying… I need to get a good excuse for having spent the night out without saying anything.

 _Call Jean!_ **Why the fuck should I do that?** _He can cover for us, he did it before…_ **…**

Drunk Me has… decent ideas occasionally, _I’m a genius, bitch!_ **Sure, you are**.

Making sure Levi was still in the bathroom I called Jean, his groggy voice was my answer as if he was still asleep.

“I need you to cover for me” I say, not giving him time to properly curse me out.

“Why? Where are you?”

“All you need to know for now, is that I didn’t spent the night at home, and Mikasa is blowing my phone with messages and calls.”

“Not home?” he asked, he sounded puzzled, maybe I wasn’t the only one dealing with a second voice. “Did you do it? Where are you?”

“Not home. Will you cover for me or what?”

_ Tell him about Halloween _ .  **What happened at Halloween?** _ You don’t need to know, just say it! _

“Halloween!”  **I will probably regret this, but I will trust you! I really hope you’re not fucking with me, right now!** _ Bitch, if you die, I die! When it comes to Mikasa, I’m on your fucking side! _

“H-how do you remember that?”

“I will forget everything if you do this for me” not like I remember, but you don’t need to know that.

“… you spent the night here. We were too drunk to remember about the rest of the gang! And Halloween didn’t happen!”

“Don’t know what you’re talking about. Bye, I need to call Mika now!”

Ending the call, I took a deep breath and got ready to call my sister.

“Hi, Mika” she answered at the second ring, barely giving me time to greet her.

“Eren Jaeger! Where are you? Why didn’t you answer my calls? Where did…”

“Wait! I’m at Jean’s… We were too drunk to properly function so I forgot to warn you… I’m fine, though.”

Levi choose that precise moment to enter the room, he barely looked at me only lifting a perfect brow and smirking when I said Jean’s.

“Jean’s? but he went home an hour after you disappeared… are you lying to me?”

“No, Mika, I swear. I was in the bathroom awhile, maybe that’s why you don’t remember me… but I’m at Jean’s, I promise!”

Before she could go on another rant about me being lying I added “I will be home soon, I will talk to you then.”

“I will be waiting!”  _ that’s a warning,  _ **_we are dead!_ **

With the call over I turned my attention to Levi.

The man was putting on a pair of sweatpants,  _ I never thought sweat pants could look so good _ ,  **neither did I** .

**_Mini-Greek-God!_ ** Both the sober and then drunk agreed that was the perfect nickname.

“Is rude to stare” Levi said.

“ _ You’re hot as fuck _ !”  **Shut up, idiot! Who the fuck told you you could speak?** _ What? Is true! The guy is the perfect Calvin Klein’s model! _

“Thank you” Levi said with a smirk, I could feel my face warming up. “You’re not bad yourself.”

“ _ I will take that as a compliment _ ” I just wanted to run and hide… these two would be the death of me.  _ It will be a good death _ .

“It is” he didn’t bother with a shirt and made his way to the door.

I guess that was my cue.

I started to put my clothes on but didn’t matter how hard I tried I couldn't find my shoes, so I went searching for Levi, maybe he knew where the shoes were.

“Levi?” I called from the corridor, his voice answered some doors down, when I reached them I found the kitchen. “Do you know where my shoes are?”

Levi chuckled, and I decided in that moment that I could listen to the sound for the rest of my life without complaints.

“Entrance hall, you took them out before coming in” he explained.

“That makes sense…” I let the silence stretch before remembering Mikasa, and making my mind that I really should leave. “Guess is time for me to go…”

“Yeah” he said, a bitter tone to his voice “Your girlfriend is waiting for you.”

“Who?! What!? The fuck did I do last night? I spent the night with you and I got a girlfriend?!”  _ I did nothing! _ **You spent the night with a guy!** _ But I didn’t get you a fucking girlfriend! _

“Mikasa? The one you were talking on the phone with?”

**_Oh… her…_ **

“What!? Fuck no, Mikasa is my sister.”

For a moment, I think his cheeks tinted a light pink, but is was gone so fast I couldn’t be sure.

“Oh, sorry then.”

“ _Were you jealous?”_ **You couldn’t let it slide, could you?** _Why the fuck would I let it slide? he was asking for it._

“Maybe I was, you did spent the night with me” the challenge in his eyes, was all I could think about.

So, with no real control over my body, I walked to him and trapped his body against the counter. he offered no resistance as I raised my hand to his face, tilting it slightly so that I could have better access to his lips.

I could taste the mint from his toothpaste, the bitterness of his coffee and something else, something so sweet I could only imagine it was his taste. The kiss got deeper, and when we finally broke apart we were both panting for air.

“What was that for?” he asked.

“I wanted to remember what you taste like.”

“Do you remember now?” the tint on his cheeks gave all the motivation I needed for my next move.

“Not yet” he smirked before claiming my lips again.

This time we were interrupted by both phones ringtones.

“Fuck” I cursed, kissing him again.

“Fuck, indeed” both took out the ringing banshees, I cursed, reading Mikasa’s name on the screen, Levi didn’t look that much happier when he read the name on his.

“Time for me to go.”

“Yeah, sorry” Levi said, still glaring at his phone.

“See you around, Levi.”

And with that I was out.

 

It was only when I got home that I realised I had never asked for his number.

Mikasa had chewed me out about how irresponsible I was and blah blah blah, as soon as I remembered I didn’t have any way of contacting Levi again I tuned her out and just kept repeating, “I’m sorry, it won’t happen again” Drunk me had gone into hibernation again, and I was finally alone.

Next day would be a bitch.

And just as predicted, as soon as Jean saw me he was on me with all kind of questions, who did I spent the night with, where, would it happen again… I answered as vaguely as possible, and at the end of the day I noticed something was missing.

My ID card was gone.

And Mikasa kept on pestering me to go and get a new one, I never got around to do it.

It took me two weeks to finally see him again.

We had just finished exams, my ID card was still missing, and instead of going out for drinks, we decided to spend the afternoon at a new café close to the campus. As soon as we walked in I wanted to walk out, behind the bar was a strangely familiar face, and after close inspection I found myself face to face with the first guy I had talked to at the club.

“Flat…” was my mortified greeting.

The man’s smile went from welcoming to ecstatic.

“Drunk kid” he greeted back, way to happy with the situation. “Are you going to hit on me again?” he looked… hopeful?

“No.”

“Oh, why? It was funny last time…” he pouted at me, and I was beyond confused, “Whatever, I’m Hanji, what can I get you?”

“A hole to hide in?”

“Not on the Menu, sorry” he was laughing again. This man was an emotional rollercoaster.

“A cappuccino, then.”

“That’s on the Menu!” a payed for the drink and rested against the counter “You can sit down, I will bring it to you in a sec.”

“Oh, ok. Thank you” and with that I was gone.

Sitting down with the rest of my crew was challenging, everyone wanted to know why I had taken so long to order, if I knew the man and so on, when Hanji brought our drinks he also gave me a note, before winking at me and signaling to the door, when I followed the gesture I saw a short man with a black undercut leaving the store, a pack of cigarettes on his hand.

“You have to be kidding me” was all I said before getting up and leaving the café.

When I reached the street, I looked around and saw no signs of Levi, he couldn’t be so fast.

“So you’re the one that hit on Hanji, you have weird tastes, brat” a voice said from behind me, I jumped and turned hand on my chest.

Levi was sitting on the terrace, a folding screen between him and the door, a cigarette between his lips and the smirk I had found myself missing.

“It was an accident” I defended myself when his words registered.

“Yeah, you thought he was a she, but then you spend the night with me, a man. Care to explain?”

“Complicated story” I said, sitting in the chair in front of him.

“I have time” his eyes suddenly got bigger and he took out his wallet, I was extremely confused “and… I also have this” he raised his hand a card stuck between his fingers, and after closer inspection I recognised my ID card, he reached out but when I went to grab my ID he pulled it back. “How about we make a deal, your ID card for a coffee” he said.

“You want a coffee?” this man was playing with me, and as much as I hated I was also starting to enjoy his games.

“No, I want you to go out with me” the smirk on his lips died as he studied me.

Games… I can also play games.

I got up and approached him, bending down so our faces were aligned.

“A date?”

“Something like that.”

I took my ID from his hand and kissed the corner of his lips.

“Then get me a number, we do need a way to contact each other if you want my story.”

 

**Author's Note:**

> so... what did you think?


End file.
